» Top 4 Questions about LGBTQ Wedding Terminology

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Photo by Stephanie W Photography

For the past six years, I’ve been working closely with wedding pros in the WeddingWire family via webinars and conferences. And although the marriage equality landscape and technology available to small businesses has changed dramatically over the course of that time, the most popular questions I receive from pros who want to improve their service offerings to same-sex couples and the larger LGBTQ community have not.

This past Pride month, WeddingWire hosted our annual LGBTQ wedding-focused webinar (Premium members can access it here). As always, we hosted a lively Q&A after my presentation and, as always, I couldn’t get to everyone’s questions. Thus, I decided to take a few more minutes to answer some important – and common – questions about language for those of you who remain curious about improving your business practices to be more inclusive of and successful with LGBTQ couples.


“Do gay couples typically have a ‘Bride & Groom’ or is it ‘Bride and Bride’ or ‘Groom and Groom’? What is the correct term to use for same-sex couples?”

Some variation of this question was the most asked during our recent webinar. And, in fact, has been one of the most popular questions I’ve received over the years. Language is incredibly important in marketing materials (a proactive effort) and in speech (a receptive and service-oriented effort). One of the reasons this question persists is because there is no one-size-fits-all answer, although there are some general best practices to follow.

One of my biggest pet peeves for all couples in the wedding industry is the intensity of the heteronormative, gender-role driven expectations in planning and in the ritual itself. Truly, this limits non-LGBTQ couples as much as it limits LGBTQ couples. In my ideal world, each couple has the opportunity to participate equally in the commitment ritual that is most meaningful and reflective to them. Period.

That said, I offer this short answer to your question: the correct terms to use with a same-sex couple are the terms they themselves prefer. If you aren’t sure because, in your eyes, they appear to falling into a pattern you recognize as a ‘bride role’ and a ‘groom role,’ please ask them how they wish to be addressed and/or how they are referring to the event and their “roles” in it. Never, ever, ever, ever, never ask a couple: “Which one of you is the bride and which one of you is the groom?”

The majority of couples identify as “two brides” or “two grooms,” but this is not always the case. Sometimes couples might get creative with their language (eg, appropriating the term ‘bridegroom’ to mean something a bit more non-binary) and some might choose to go with “bride and groom” and be queer-identified. Just don’t assume.

Please also do your best not to overthink the issue. Be open. Be inclusive. Be welcoming. Be curious. Ask the couple about how they met. What they hope for in their wedding day. How you can best help and support them. And be sure to ask if they have any additional concerns about which you might not have inquired. Finally, be sure to give the couple permission to give you feedback if you’ve made a mistake in the language or approach you are using. Open communication and building relationships is everything. Continue reading

» 5 Ways To Show Your LGBTQ Pride This June

This post was written by WeddingWire Education Expert Kathryn Hamm, Publisher of GayWeddings, the leading online resource dedicated to serving same-sex couples since 1999. Kathryn is also co-author of the groundbreaking book, The New Art of Capturing Love: The Essential Guide to Lesbian and Gay Wedding Photography. Follow her on Twitter @madebykathryn.

Each June, the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) community celebrates Pride Month to commemorate the 1969 uprising in New York City at the Stonewall Inn (which was designated as a national monument in 2016). Many, including the Library of Congress, refer to Stonewall as a “tipping point” for the Gay Liberation Movement. Though some cities celebrate Pride in months other than June, most — including Los Angeles, New York, Washington DC and San Francisco — celebrate this month with festivals, workshops, events and marches.

In the spirit of “Gay Pride” and a celebration of the LGBTQ+ community and its allies, I invite you to consider choosing at least one of these five suggestions to show your Pride as a wedding pro who is ready, willing and able to serve (and serve well!) same-sex couples.

Attend A Pride Event

Every city does Pride differently, but all generally offer a festive, creative and colorful atmosphere. Though many Pride events are rooted in marches and platforms raising awareness for and requesting equal rights for LGBTQ persons, they also offer social opportunities (which served an important role in the days when most of our community was closeted and isolated) and celebration.

If you’ve never been to Pride before, it’s a great way to see the community in all its glory. From drag queens and floats to marching bands, families and religious organizations, the annual parades have it all. Many of the festivals feature advertisers and sponsors at booths, along with local resource organizations hoping to connect with the community. Some Pride celebrations have featured entertainers and speakers (both national and local) on stage and others have workshops and parties in the week leading up to the march, parade and/or festival.

Attending doesn’t mean you have to join in the parade or march yourself, but you are welcome to join informally (I’ve just jumped in to walk in years past) or formally (by organizing your own group or walking with one with whom you are affiliated). You can also mingle with folks at the festival, watch the parade or look for digital coverage of the events to enjoy Pride virtually.

Find a Pride near you with HRC’s Pride search tool.

Share Your Pride

The LGBTQ community loves to encounter its allies as we are always on the lookout for safe spaces. Even today.

Did you attend Pride? Blog about it! Share your photos and moments of celebration via your social media channels. Interview couples you met at Pride to learn more about their wedding planning needs (past, present or future) and post the Q & A.

Were you unable to attend a Pride event? Add a pridemoji or GayWeddings logo to your site or social media feeds. Create a rainbow-themed version of your logo for the month of June or find a filter from an organization that supports the LGBTQ community and use it. Whether you are LGBTQ-identified or an ally, June offers a great excuse to show more visibility than you already do or to start doing so now.

lgbtq wedding pride

Photo by Derek Chad Photography

Learn More

Still feeling a little overwhelmed and nervous about attending a Pride event in person? I certainly know the feeling! It reminds me of how I felt before I attended my first Pride in Philadelphia in 1991. If you identify as straight and/or cisgender and are feeling nervous about being seen at Pride, this is a valuable insight. It will help you to understand how LGBTQ persons and couples may feel about approaching uncertain “mainstream” situations or weddings professionals. This is a great time to learn more via books, blogs and other digital resources.

Even if you are yourself LGBTQ-identified and/or a Pride veteran, it’s always important to keep learning. Especially since the needs of today’s younger engaged couples are evolving from what couples from the past 20 years needed. Read about the history of Stonewall. Browse GayWeddings’ LGBTQ Wedding Planning Guide. Explore GayWeddings. Read up on LGBTQ Heritage. Learn more about what the Q means and why we’ve added it to LGBT.

Review Your Business Description and Mission

Take this opportunity to show your pride by reviewing the language you use to describe your business. Are you still using the word ‘bridal’ or ‘brides’ to reference your clients? Unless you only work with women, please update your language to be inclusive of all couples by using “brides and grooms” or “engaged couples.” Make sure you are speaking to a wide audience everywhere you advertise. Do you include same-sex couples in your portfolio, advertisements, social media posts or website images? Do you follow social media sources, LGBTQ publications and blogs that specialize in the LGBTQ niche? Add them to your list and RT or share LGBTQ news or inspirational content with your followers and prospective clients.

Sharpen Your Business Practices

Register for the WeddingWireEDU webinar I’ll be hosting on June 20 for Premium members. Not a premium subscriber? Contact your CSM today to learn more about how an upgraded listing can help you generate more leads and access the professional development you need to sharpen your business practices to be more inclusive of all couples.

» Celebrate Marriage Equality With #WeDoLove

Celebrate Marriage Equality With #WeDoLoveOn June 26, 2016, WeddingWire and our sister site, GayWeddings, will celebrate the one year anniversary of the Supreme Court ruling, a decision that paved the way for marriage equality nationwide. It was an important victory for love that impacted all of us.

We know the support of wedding professionals like you means the world to engaged couples and newlyweds. So we’re teaming up with GayWeddings to create a fun, celebratory video including your #WeDoLove moments in support of marriage equality.

#WeDoLove celebrates weddings for all couples, and the outpouring of love and support, teamwork and togetherness for everyone who helps bring two people together. We salute the village it takes to plan a wedding from family and friends to LGBTQ-friendly wedding pros.

Want to submit? Simply upload a short video telling us why you “do love” in support of marriage for all! We’re looking for self-filmed videos between 15 and 30 seconds that discuss some of the following themes:

  • What word(s) comes to mind when you think about “marriage equality?”
  • How has marriage equality changed your life?
  • What does the one-year anniversary of the ruling mean to you?
  • Why is marriage equality important?

By adding your unique perspective to #WeDoLove, you’ll help us create an inspiring video to commemorate the one-year anniversary of marriage equality, and to stand behind love. Upload your video now, and tell us why you do love!

Submit your video now >>